Me? Getting Married?

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." - Proverbs 18:22

In one week, I'm getting married.

In some ways it still seems unreal, like I'm somehow disembodied and observing my life as a spectator. In other ways I feel more alive than ever before. Either way, it's really happening. It's really her - it's really me.

I won't bore you with all the planning and preparation details. As you know, a wedding is kind of a big deal, and it takes a lot of work. Sometimes it's difficult to keep the sacramental immensity of marriage in view amidst all the activity. It's so much more than rings and vows and candles and champagne - it's the highest institution of mortal love that we will ever experience.

This is not a drill. This is for life.

God has shown his faithfulness countless times over the last few months, even through my failures and clumsiness. For years I wondered how I would "know" who I'm supposed to marry, but I understand now the certainty that borders on awe. "This is the way, walk ye in it." Thank you, Lord.

Our plan is to build a small cottage here on my folks' property over the summer. While we build, we'll be living in a twenty-eight foot travel trailer, which Jessica has been making into a wonderful home with her remarkable womanly touch. (I know some of you are skeptical that anyone will ever be able to civilise me, but if anyone can do it, she can.)

We'll be leaving for a short honeymoon after the wedding. For the "real" honeymoon, we're planning to take a longer trip sometime later this year to England and Ireland, to celebrate history, literature, and the color green. If you've visited the British Isles, we'd love to hear any advice you have to share.

There's lots of things I've been wanting to write about. Right now I simply don't have enough time or concentration to spare. Hopefully I can return to the blog in a few weeks after some of the dust settles.

Thanks for reading and thanks for praying. Soli Deo Gloria.

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The Mystery of Godliness

And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness:

God was manifested in the flesh,
Justified in the Spirit,
Seen by angels,
Preached among the Gentiles,
Believed on in the world,
Received up in glory.

-1 Timothy 3:16

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The Open Door Fallacy

Life is full of decisions and opportunities. Continually we come up to intersections and forks in the road. Wanting to understand and follow the will of God, we stop to consider and evaluate the options.

Lots of Christians subscribe to a theory of divine guidance which we might call "The Open Door Theory." This theory basically says that when you find an opportunity - an "open door" - you should walk through it, because God must have opened it.

Wait.

Maybe God did open it. Maybe he didn't. Maybe the Devil did. Maybe the wind blew it open.

How do you know?

I don't mind granting that occasionally God creates opportunities and "opens doors." What I take exception to is the idea that every open door is a sign from God. That's not discernment - that's merely taking the path of least resistance. Godly discernment means looking open-eyed at the opportunities and obstacles before us, laying them before the Lord, and then and only then proceeding.

Sometimes we may be able to walk through an open door; sometimes we may find it necessary to knock and pray and weep at a closed one. Sometimes we may find ourselves completely walled in, as it were, in a place where it seems like there are no doors at all, with no choice but to wait on God or build a ladder.

Paul had his own perspective on open doors. Writing to the Corinthian church about his work at Ephesus, he says:

For a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.

1 Corinthians 16:9

Does that sound like an open door to you? It did to Paul. He knew that following the leading of the Lord didn't mean he wouldn't have opposition. In fact, he expected opposition. (Acts 20:23, 2 Tim. 3:12) His confidence in the direction and protection of the Lord was not affected by the obstacles that he faced. "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

Paul was also careful about staking his decisions too heavily on a single factor. Consider what he writes about being in Troas:

When I came to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ, even though a door was opened for me in the Lord, my spirit was not at rest because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I took leave of them and went on to Macedonia.

2 Corinthians 2:12-13

There were opportunities in Troas. People were listening. Things were happening. God was working. Even with all that, Paul was restless because he didn't know where Titus was! So he packed up and sailed across the Aegean Sea to seek his brother, knowing God could open more doors whenever he wanted to.

While we're at it, there's one more crystal ball to smash. I have in mind the example of Gideon, which seems to be chronically misunderstood in the Church today. The expression "putting out a fleece" has become a euphemism for seeking the will of the Lord. That wasn't what Gideon was doing. God had already told him what to do, and he was afraid to do it. He didn't turn tail and run like Jonah, but he was unable to move forward without more "evidence."

I submit that "putting out a fleece" is simply lusting for a sign. "[Jesus] answered them, 'An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.'" (Matthew 12:39) It's spiritual skepticism dressed up as discernment. Beware of spending too much time seeking "confirmation."

Justus ex fide vivit: the just shall live by faith.

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Where Is Your Confidence?

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

-Psalm 42:5-6

Between being sick, dealing with challenges at work, and running at the limits of my concentration with wedding plans and the responsibilities of life, I've been reminded of something.

I'm not Superman.

I don't have what it takes. I can't alter the arc of the universe; I'm just a man. It's a hostile world. The obstacles are too big.

God wants to strip away our self-reliance - until there's nothing left for us to do but trust God, love people, and put one foot in front of the other. I don't know where I'm headed, but I'm walking. I have ideas, but I don't have answers. "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

God doesn't expect us to keep up with him. He expects us to trust him to carry us when we get tired. He expects us to trust him for the strength to carry others when they get tired. And he expects us to give him the glory - not just verbally, but to understand deep inside that it really belongs to him.

Climb on
A back that's strong
You can't get what you want
Climb on
A back that's strong

-Caedmon's Call (Shawn Colvin)

When we're discouraged, it's usually because we're looking to ourselves too much. "Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

Look to God, and see if you don't feel better. And yes, I believe feeling better is scriptural.

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Heirs Together

"...being heirs together of the grace of life..."

1 Peter 3:7

God has given us a rich inheritance; one that is lavish, free, and complete; a generous gift from a good Father to his undeserving children.

This inheritance is two-dimensional. We have inherited the gift of physical life - with all of its wonder and sparkle and colour - and we have also inherited spiritual life through the Gospel.

To marry is to join yourself intimately with another soul and share together the joy of this inheritance. There is love, there is patience, and there is mutual encouragement to claim these wonderful gifts as your own. When you're discouraged, there is a word of hope. When you fall, there is a gentle reminder of grace. When the world looks dark, there is a beautiful refuge of love, poured out in all of its sacrificial splendor.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

This person becomes a partner - indeed, a part of you - who knows you as well as or better than you know yourself and yet has the spiritual autonomy to speak the words you need to hear. It's like a pair of rock climbers working in tandem, completely dependent on one another. They are both sharing the same experience and subjecting themselves to the same risks, but at any given moment, at least one will have solid footing and be ready to catch the other.

To have someone who is willing to walk this closely with you through life's blessings and discouragements in this way is an indescribable gift. You're not alone anymore. Everything is shared, everything is together, and somehow, sharing two burdens makes both lighter.

In this breaking we are hand in glove / Come with me my love / We will find shelter here

-Sandra McCracken, Gravity | Love, "Shelter"

I love you Jessica!

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Confessions of a Pacifist

I haven't talked much about nonresistance and political activism on this blog, mostly because it's been such a hot button for me in the past. However, a good friend recently reopened the subject, and in thinking about it again I'm realizing that as I move into a new area of life and contemplate protecting a wife and family, my perspective is changing.

Most who know me know that for a long time I have leaned hard-core nonresistant. I was raised on stories of martyrdom and nonviolence and identified strongly with Anabaptism and "The Remnant." In many ways, I still identify there, but it's becoming clear to me that the issues and questions are more complicated than I had originally thought.

One of those issues is family defense. I deeply regret addressing this question before I had any idea of what is at stake and what it feels like to have a wife and children that you are responsible for. It's just arrogant. In one conversation that I remember distinctly, after I had been aggressively zealously advancing my simplistic uncompromising stance, an older brother who was obviously sympathetic to the classic Anabaptist position told me simply and quietly: "I know where you're at. I used to think exactly like you do. But I don't anymore."

There was no argument, just a calm statement with the ring of wisdom and experience, standing quietly on its own two feet. Here was something that required reflection, not refutation. I was off balance, and I didn't know what to do.

From that moment, I suspected that all might not be as it seemed. It would be much longer before I really began to soften my heart and question the motivation and purity of my over-simplified idealism, but the seed had been sown.

Another issue where I've talked beyond my experience is military service. I've realized it's a very easy thing to criticize and a very hard thing to do, and while I won't be enlisting anytime soon, I won't be condemning those who choose otherwise. Every pacifist needs to read C. S. Lewis' pointed essay Why I Am Not A Pacifist to get the straight explanation on why their beliefs sometimes look a little pallid next to soldiers giving up everything and going to war.

Today is Martin Luther King Day, in honour of a man who worked hard for peaceful change. I have a lot of respect for men like that. They may not have been exactly right, but they did something.

On all sides, I want to learn to ask more questions and throw fewer rocks. Toward this end I'll be hoping to accomplish some reading on this subject over the next several months, eventually expanding the study beyond personal matters into Church & State issues. If there are books you've found helpful, please let me know in the comments.

Peace!

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The Unqualified Jesus

Jesus is very hard to describe in a word. He is loving. He is also austere. He is down-to-earth. He is also holy. He is understanding. He is also unpredictable.

We know that Jesus is God, and that God is complete. The immediate difficulty is this: How do we present Jesus to people without leaving something out? There's simply too many adjectives and qualifiers to keep track of.

Truth may be a tightrope, but it isn't a tightrope that we walk alone. Jesus isn't watching from the ground and critiquing our performance; he's right there with us, holding our hand and helping us get it right. He's not somewhere way out past the moon, busy with cosmic accounting; he desires incarnation and participation in our lives. That is why I'm starting to believe that if there's one word to describe Jesus, it's this one:

Emmanuel.

God. With. Us.

Have you ever stopped to think about the joy of simply being with someone you love? There's sympathy, connection, a million interwoven strands of non-verbal communication. This is God's invitation. Walk with me, give me your cares, put your fingers into the holes in my wrists and your hand into my side.

Emmanuel.

Don't try to box him in or explain him. We should know God as an obsession, not an object. He is not defined by his attributes: he IS. He is the way. He is the truth. He is the life.

Jesus is the theology of the Father, revealed to us.

-Thomas Merton¹

Emmanuel.

To understand the with-ness of God is to understand the unqualified Jesus and breathe the free air of spiritual simplicity. He straightens the crooked road and smooths the rough places. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

We don't need to constantly be balancing our presentation of God's nature to make sure we cover all the bases. He is with us.

We can speak his unique word to each unique situation, without qualification and without apology, relying on him to reveal himself more comprehensively to people in his time, as he chooses. He is with us.

We can be confident in the continuing work of sanctification, believing Philippians 1:6 for ourselves and for others. He is with us.

We don't need to be anxious about the future and we don't need to be afraid of man. He is with us.

We don't need to memorize what he looks like. He is with us.

Emmanuel. Think about it.

(1) Thomas Merton, No Man Is An Island, (Barns & Noble Books, 2003), 23

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